take the chance don't hesitate chase your dreams while they're awake ...
can't wait for the psle results to be out . i've rehearse the scene again and again in mind,
in many ---
many different ways .
getting my desired result, crying all the way home with a bad result, numb with sadness, overcome with happiness ---
i've run through all of them,
none of them satisfies me .
i'm worried .
for me, for everyone else .
for the future . ><
btws, i've updated my playlist . still have Fall For You --- Secondhand Serenade & Nobody --- Wonder Girls
but, now i have I Swear --- All-4-One When I Grow Up --- Pussycat Dolls If I Were A Boy --- Beyonce Love Me --- Collin Raye You'll Be In My Heart --- Phil Collin
and i don't like it. nahh, i don't think i will tell you why . i'm sick of always complaining . so if i'm a piece of paper, crumple me up,
and ---
throw
me
away.
then leave me alone .
surrounded by friends, i feel crowded . but sometimes, i just feel ---
ALONE .
sometimes, i just want to ---
be alone
to think and clear my thoughts. but i'm in the midst of everything :
every mess every breakup every word every screammm every tear
i'm tired of being in the light; please let me into the shadows, to rest .
in the light, everyone watches every single move i make, waiting, expecting something of me . something great . the burden is unbearable .
in the shadows, i'm ignored . treated as an equal sometimes, but mostly ignored . i like it . i can be alone, to think, to heal my gashing wounds, burning from too much light .
the light is nice, warm, but too much is ---
unhealthy . painful .
it makes you feel wasted, thrown aside, abused .
it makes you feel bad .
don't enter the light, no matter how tempting and alluring it is .
it may be nice for a while, but after a period of time, it will hurt .
i used to believe in dreams . that they would come true. but now,
reality is disagreeing with me . dad blamed me for something stupid i said about some stupid mistake my brother made . that made him cry like a sissy.
i walked further in front of them, quickly. the first teardrop rolled down my cheek.
you know i don't cut myself right? yeahh, i don't but when i was young, i used to abuse myself. in a different way. i bit myself. on the arm. whenever my mother made me feel bad about something stupid that most young kids like i did.
it didn't bleed, but heck, it sure hurt. i pinched myself too. real hard. until there were bruises and marks. whenever someone asked me about them, i said it was an accident.
it worked. everyone was fooled. everyone but me.
i'm crying RIGHT NOW. i won't deny it any longer. the tears are dripping on the keyboard, but nobody is noticing.
"hush now, dear. sleep. let your troubles wear off."
the dreaded day. today. went r0ck-climbing with the class.
made a fool of myself in front of the class. it might as well have been on national tv . i slipped,
and slipped,
and slipped. still made it though. it's all thanks to ryna and her gang of cheerleaders. when i was stuck halfway, i found this hidden reserve of energy when i heard them cheering. and made it. and im pleased. REALLY pleased. with myself. for once, i overcame my persistant fear of heights. ^.^
but, the happiness didn't last long. when i went back to put down my helmet, i saw her.
by her, i mean pearlissa. pale. i was sooo shocked.
turned out she didn't eat breakfast and thus, was GIDDY and FELT LIKE PUKING.
she puked after a while and felt better. what a relief ! to pearlissa: you'd better eat next time or i'll kick butt !
the real HIM is out there, somewhere. the one I'm seeing is...
just an illusion.
at least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself .
btw, gonna post my secondary school choices when my results come out.
with a bun on, you're an outcast. well, that's what i'm feeling, anyway.
was walking to ballet class with a [ don't laugh ] -- bun when i met JIANWEI, CHINYANG, PLUS KANGLE, his right-hand man.
jianwei reacted ok though. he was pretty friendly about it, but i was pale and embarassed. shell-shocked, too, by jianwei's natural reaction. i didn't expect it. i just nodded at everything he said, speechless, until -----
i heard the two boys behind me [ chinyang and right-hand man, duh ] snigger and laugh softly.
my head drooped.
i walked off quickly without a word, numb, before the first wave of tears washed down my cheeks.
an outcast. an alien. a nobody. i felt exactly like that. it hurts .
it didn't help that after ballet class, vindh [ i not sure abt the spelling ] was there waiting for my friend, his sister.
i just dropped my head and kept walking.
and walking.
till i reached home.
now, i wish i told HIM about how i feel about him. but i don't think it's the correct decision. i mess up. easily. i don't want to hurt anybody again. never. especially not him.
don't cry pand0ra;
night(:
PS i know the first song in my playlist is a bit christian, but i like the music.
today, i finally relaxed about the guy whose words shook me to the core. [ refer to former entry ] i just, kinda forgot to worry. ^.^ I'm pretty crazeh huh?
sort of worried about my results . everytime i say that in school, khai wen will go : "aiy0 kia yee, you confirm get 260+ wan larhh"
it makes me feel bad, ya know? it makes me feel like im being proud . or an idiot . or maybe even a biatch . maybe it's true what they say.
btw;
GOOD LUCK TO 6a GURLS FOR THE UPCOMING TOURNAMENT~~ ^^
SAME FOR THE OTHER SOCCER AND BADMINTON 6a PUPILS~~
I sure hope we WIN and thrash the other classes~~ [ no offence to other classes ]
changedd my blog de template~ nice mahhs? i hope so. spent a HECK of a time editing it. bo0s. choosing PSLE sch0ols. any suggestions? please give your HELPFUL suggestions by typing them onto my taqqboard. TQS ^.^ greatly appreciated. look for info on scho0ls on the MOE website: www.moe.edu.sg
played AUDIX like sot sot ferr the last 5 days..and counting ! got a new AUDIX bf~ nice, sweet guy. ^.^ but, we're pretty much just friends. he says he wants ta get "married" when he's level 14. LMAOS.
0mqq ! will you just leave me al0ne? i've burnt my hand twice on the ir0n fretting about this. just can't forget those words you said. they shocked me to the core. && i'm pretty much hardcore [ i hope ! ] . i tripped over my own feet and kicked myself in the shin. all because of you.
you are not HIM, && you're disappointed. it's someone else. HE is in my very own class. rejection hit him in the face many times. i hated him. but now, i love him. it's friggin crazeh. i'm fretting over both of you. give me a break; PLEASE.
It was my bdae on saturday, 11 0ct. >< Hop3 you didn't forg3t. >< Went out with Rybena [ ryna ] && HanJing ~ :]]]]]] superhappietired. they shopped, i walked after them... HAHAHAs ... feet are pretty much sore and swollen.. o.o but n0 matter. as l0ng as i g0t t0 celebrate it with tw0 0f my best friends, it was WORTH IT.
had a ---xCOOKIE at subway :]] ---xMCFLURRY at [[ where else? ]] McD0nalds ---xPEPPERLUNCH dinner [[ lmaos ]] at pepper lunch express with ryna..
i LOVED it. i'm still LOVIN' it. i sound like a McD0nalds advertisement; lmaos ><
---xKIAYEE
disclaimer,
read me.
The possessives area is screwed in IE.
Don't spam too much, but i have a certain amount of patience for your crap;
so it's ok if you decide to.
about a girl,
say my name.
i'm kiayee.
i love the rain, kpop, drawing, and i especially love my friends.
sometimes i will cry for no particular reason at all.
but i'm not always 'emo'.
i have my good days, like any regular person i know.
i have days when i will laugh till my stomach hurts,
or days when i get a good score on that chinese test i wanted ace.
some days i get new friends, and i'm happy.
i can get very very upset sometimes.
since 7 November 09.
Best viewed with Firefox/Chrome.
possessives,
they're fragile, do mind.
hover for the names.
online info,
message me dear.
• Audition
fallenfromgrace
• Maplestory
Cassopeia, daphinado
• FanFiction
pandopop
• Youtube
pandorapaperplanes
• BlogSkins
foldddedpaperplanes
money in your pocket,
give it to me.
Handphone { C902 ! } Black Jeans PSLE: 260+ PlayStation Portable [ Mint Green ] Audition Layered Hair Piano Orange Bag Pageboy Cap { Brown } Orange Hairband
The Host, by Stephanie Meyer Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer New Moon, by Stephanie Meyer Eclipse, by Stephanie Meyer Breaking Dawn, by Stephanie Meyer The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
Coraline by Neil Gaiman
Grow to 1.7m Level 12 in Audition Level 13 in Audition Level 14 in Audition
Level 15 in Audition
Visit Japan, Taiwan, Korea and New Zealand
Sony Vegas Adobe Photoshop CS3
Grey and orange striped top 3/4 black jeans
Sims 3 Replacement for my spoilt bof disc 4
Grey hoodie SHINee's 'Year Of Us' album SS501's 'Rebirth' album
A longer fringe!
Denim flats
New heels
Black stockings
events,
so i don't forget.
My Birthday; 11 October
SS501 Concert, __ December HyunJoong's Birthday; 6 June
HyunJoong's Birthday 2010; 6 June YoungSaeng's Birthday; 3 November
YoungSaeng's Birthday 2010; 3 November KyuJong's Birthday; 24 February
KyuJong's Birthday 2010; 24 February JungMin's Birthday; 3 April
JungMin's Birthday 2010; 3 April HyungJoon's Brithday; 3 August
HyungJoon's Brithday 2010; 3 August Korea Trip; 9 Dec - 18 Dec
Audition for DSP Entertainment
to be watched,
viewer discretion is advised.
Twilight Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging A Cinderella Story
Bedtime Stories
Edward Scissorhands
Wild Child
Yes Man
200 Pounds Beauty { Korean } Princess Hours { Korean }
Princess Hours - AGAIN
Insadong Scandal { Korean }
Painter of The Wind { Korean }
Coffee Prince { Korean }
Sik-gaek { Korean } Bruce Almighty
Coraline
Pink Panther 2 The Tale of Despereaux 17 Again
Confessions Of A Shopaholic Paul Blart Mall Cop
21 X-men Origins : Wolverine Akeelah And The Bee Monsters vs. Aliens
Up
Dance, Subaru!
Fame
Blood: The Last Vampire 9 2012
Fantastic Mister Fox
Freedom Writers
Princess and the Frog Sherlock Holmes
Step Up 2
Avatar
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
